silence

some silence would be nice, and maybe an overflowing cup of grace, an unshakeable amount of faith, and an understanding that God has a constant desire for me.

Here I am

Sometimes the weight of the world is unfair.

I let it have to much power and influence over my life

over things I say

things I hold back

how I limit my love

what makes me happy

bitterness I hold

grace I receive

God make me whole

invade my heavy heart

change me

I lay me down

I need you

seek you

Here I am

rainy days and everything that comes along...

what a wonderful rainy day it was

coffee in the morning with my beautiful sister and mom

after school i came home to find myself locked out of my house

decided to take myself out to lunch

pluto's tri-tip steak sandwich...

and Sex God

A book that I have read about 3-4 times

I opened it to a random page in the chapter

Worth Dying For

and read this

"Do you realize? You don't need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You're good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it's true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of life, especially your relationship with men. You are worth dying for. Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator....But you don't have to give yourself away to earn a man's love. You're better than that. You're already loved."

I know that was a long quote

but totally worth it

I sat there for awhile in Plutos (of all places)

and had an intimate moment with my creator.

wrestled with the fact that I am worth dying for

Really?? I mean come on??

And I felt right there,the second I doubted,

disappointment.

God was disappointed in me for a second.

I felt it... and never want to feel it again.

but in that moment, after doubt...I realized

I am worth dying for

just speaking these words brought me to tears...

and yes, I am still in Plutos.

I was thought about

I was designed

crafted

I am fragile

I am valued

I have purpose

I am pure

I am loved

and looking around with blurred vision from the tears..

I saw people worth dying for.

people are worth dying for.

people that God created... people that God finds joy in, people that don't believe in him, people that make mistakes, people who believe they are not beautiful, people who follow their dreams, people that sacrifice, people who need to be loved, people who need to know God's love

and that no matter what...fill in the blank

No matter,what I said or didn't say, should have or shouldn't have done, believed or not... say it

out loud

(You) I am worth dying for.

He is More than Enough... Am I?

I'm being drawn closer

I'm letting go

I'm going wild

I can't describe the level of intimacy

the depth of grace

and amount of love

and thankfulness

I am feeling to be called His

Fearing Him more and more each day,

allows me to break

bend and

burst the dreams and plans I give myself.

I have given him my life, my heart, my world and He is the creator of my dreams.

If I want him to move mountains, and be the rage in my seas, and the flutter in my heart

all my intentions, actions, and drive must breath Jesus

In my very moments of struggle, happiness, joy, failure, times of need

times of praise

times of laughter

times of selfishness

times of hope

times of shatter

and times of love

I will seek Him

I am caught in awe with the way He loves me

I struggle to see that I am enough.

Having Hope to be Enough

despite it all... jesus

i am happy

despite getting t-boned pulling out of my court today

despite having the worst head ache all day long

despite having to look at an ugly dent every time i get into my car

despite what could have been the worst possible day ever....

jesus saves

jesus loves

jesus cares

jesus believes

jesus does

jesus smiles

jesus listens

jesus is my everything

and for a split second today.. i thought i was going to meet him face to face

but when the spinning in my head stopped and all came back to me

i was still in caught in the beauty of this world

in the midst of chaos

he was calm

my peace

my comfort

foundation.

discouraged to only become encouraged

I feel like my world is crashing in

out of my control

I'm losing sight

I have been discouraged

disheartened

dispirited

I need to be picked up

brought back to life

I have put to much hope, faith, and trust in something of this world

Maybe I was naive, ignorant, or child-like

but whatever it was, it got me down

Funny thing is

I am a fighter

I always have been

Life hasn't always been easy on me

and I have had to fight some battles to become the person I am today

to become me

to accept me

to understand my trials

to learn from my mistakes

to judge myself more than others

to put myself second

to love with everything I have

to give until I have nothing left

to become unstoppable

to have a faith that is contagious

to dream the dreams of my heart

and have the courage to go after them

all of this, all of me, wouldn't be possible

without the love and faith God has in me

my strength comes from him

and him alone

because he has never given up on me

when i have given up on myself...

i live for Him

his mercy brings me to my knees

"His mercy saved me,

His mercy made me whole,

mercy found me and

He called me as his own"

again, i am just a simple girl

that loves to love

my heart is on my sleeve

and i have dreams that will change this world

not to change the world

but to just be apart of this world

making my mark on this world

hoping in this world

i am a dream believer

but most of all a dream seeker

I just want to inspire and lift up

through the actions in my life

I know I am not perfect

I am just me

and I hope you are just you

Finding the Hope to believe in my future

yours too, more importantly :)

Living for Me or My Creator?

there is something so beautiful,

so rare,

and refreshing

when you allow God to be the ultimate

provider in every aspect of your life.

Where no opinion, judgement, or doubt can control you.

When you surrender your heart to him He leaves no room for

jealous

hate

ego

failures

insecurities

It kills me when I see friends looking in all the wrong places

to find happiness and acceptance...

looking to the opposite sex to feel beauty and desired

a pair of designer jeans to fit in

showing more skin to catch an eye

working out every muscle so you don't lose that girl to that guy

never leaving the house without double checking the mirror...

whatever it is in your life that you let define you.. it also controls you

and your ability to live life to the fullest

to love with no limits

and pursue the dreams in your heart

I am guilty of letting these define me,

limiting the ways I love, how I love and how much love

allowing myself to follow and be consumed by things that don't matter

we manipulate our lives in order to fit a checklist that the world creates

that we would do anything for

This isn't how God designed it

So we need to fight it

like He fights for us

cause He would do anything for us.

Why is it so hard to do anything for Him?

Is it wrong that I need you, need to feel you, need to hear you??

When you come to close I fear you, your love is greater than what I can handle

I no longer want to have to defend who I have become...

i desire to become all you have for me

i was called not to be apart of this world

but to live in this world

shining for you in this world

hoping for this world

dreaming the undreamable in this world

going against the desires of this world

finding the beauty in this world

spreading the love of humanity in this world

being beautifully alive for you in this world