may.

It will be June a day from now.

May is coming to an end.

This month I can't even begin to describe to you the

craziness, tiredness, laughter, hope, tears, new-beginnings and confusion.

I feel as if I might need to take a week of solitude to debrief... ponder... wonder.... gather thoughts and re-create peace, steady waves, and a full heart of grace, compassion, tenderness, hope, and love.

Sometimes I am unable to fully understand God's overflowing deep intimate love He has for me and His children.

It's humbling to know that I serve a God that never runs out of grace, favor, love and likeness...

I can't do it all. I can't compete with God. I need him.

My old youth pastor, someone I really look up to and who has greatly contributed to the person I am today, recently just wrote in his Life Journal, "To be helped is to be humbled."

I need God's help. I need humbling. Everyday.

This month, I wish I was humbled more.

I freaked out, worried too much, gave up, got off track.

What May didn't fall short of or lacked in any way was friends and family.

I have discovered friendships that I value and treasure.

I found friends in my life that I would do anything for.

My family is closer than ever... My brothers and sisters are becoming best friends.

We are learning to count on one another. I am happy. These are lifelong relationships that God chose for me. In other words. I don't just love them because I have to. I choose to. I want to.

This will be a May to remember... and turning 20 really wasn't so bad.

June is the start of something new. I have hope for June.

A sloppy wet kiss

" to see him more clearly, love him more dearly, follow him more nearly"

I want to see you Lord. I want my eyes to recognize you. In the storm, the dust, smoke, blur, and confusion. I want to see you in the fog. Hear you through the silence. Feel you in the stillness. Allow my eyes to be open to see your heart.

I want my greatest love story to be our story. To love you more than any earthly thing. To be called yours, to be desired by you, to encounter your grace, to be your beloved... I can only love you more deeply.

For you will never leave me nor forsake me. Your light shines on my darkest days, guiding me, leading me. Lovely in all directions. I am lost, and in need of your guidance. I can rest in the power of the unknown... Knowing you are the power in my life.

In the John Mark Mcmillan song "How He loves", there is this line that I believe describes the raw, pure, intimate desire God has for us.

"So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss"

There is something so intimate and divine that happens when a little bit of heaven meets earth. But just imagine the encounter of heaven meeting earth with a genuine, tender, passionate sloppy wet kiss. Whoa how he loves us.

If you have never heard the song, Stop reading and go listen to it now. There are many different versions of the song, but I encourage you to listen to the original... Many other artists change the phrase "sloppy wet kiss" to "unforeseen kiss" and for reasons I am not sure of. But I believe a sloppy wet kiss embodies the true affection and intimacy God desires with us. This song captures God's heart.

Lord thank you for loving me.

Here I am.

A broken human being, desiring to love and serve my savior

that is all the matters.

Hope my future and Hope for the World

the world makes me laugh...

"When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the world."

Today I was walking in San Francisco with my sister, and looking through the window of a small boutique was a sign with this very quote... makes you laugh huh?? Life is funny sometimes when you come to a place where everything around you is perfect.